omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
