Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
