now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
