hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
