Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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