Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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