This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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