Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Randomize
