tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
