I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Enjoy the penises
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
