I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
