you guys were way drunker than both of me
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
