They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
