So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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