she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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