Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
