You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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