a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
