Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
