I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
