So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
