How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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