What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
