Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
