We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
