Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I have tasted many bathrooms
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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