Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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