WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
