Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
