she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
