census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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