no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
