woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
