You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
