Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
