I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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