i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
