I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
