I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
