considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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