I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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