I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
