he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm too high and old for this...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
