Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Randomize
