just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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