who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
