i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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