not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
