she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
