It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
How external is "for external use only"?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
